In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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