Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
