Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
