My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
