capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
