dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
