Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
