At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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