The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
you traded sex for a burrito?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
