can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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