the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize