I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm passing your future prison.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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