im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
