When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
