in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
