i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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