names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize