hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
