Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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