life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
