when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
