I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Found your dick twin last night
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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