sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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