So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
