please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
