I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
