I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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