Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
try to milk me bitch
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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