ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
