i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
