how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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