Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
