I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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