I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
