Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize