My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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