btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
