you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Well I just put wine in my tea
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
