so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It's shark week go big or go home
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
