does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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