if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
