My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
