Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You've changed since you got that strap on
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
