You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
