My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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