they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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