And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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