I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
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