he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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