Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Someone signed my nipple.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
