try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
