i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
