I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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