You really coming over, don't trick.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
