remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
