if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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