moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
