you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
