she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
