I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
We have so much sex to catch up on
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize