OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
