where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
