btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
