Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
