Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
