Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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