Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
