you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
