If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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