the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
