During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
