Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
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