I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
