Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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