i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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